My name is Matthias. I was a fairly ordinary 20 year-old Alaskan, until the asteroid hit. I'd better not get ahead of myself. The day was a fairly normal one for me.
I went to my fourth year course classes for the first time at Alaska Pacific University. I had started college when I was sixteen, as I'd always been bored with high school. I came back to my home in rural Anchorage. I had been living on my own since I started going to college, because I'd always loved Alaska, but my parents did not. They preferred to stay in their home in Eastern Washington, so we'd visit each other every few months.
I went out for my daily hike in the woods surrounding my small house, and came back inside at six thirty. I wanted to watch the news, because NASA scientists were going to have live video coverage of the Apophis asteroid as it flew past Earth. As I sat in my house, watching, fascinated, I noticed something was wrong. The satellites that were monitoring Apophis were supposed to have it moving across their field of view, not towards them. I jumped when I saw a government interruption pop up on the screen.
"WARNING - This is the emergency broadcast system. All american citizens on the west coast must evacuate due to tsunami threat, all citizens further inland must take shelter! The aseroid Apophis --" the screen went dead. The asteroid must have hit the satelites that were brodcasting television. It really sunk in when moments later I heard one of the old alarms going off in Anchorage. Someone had dusted off the old claxon system meant for warning in case of nuclear strike, and now it was blaring across the Anchorage area.
I hurried and threw together a pack with my hunting rifle, a few pounds of ammunition, a few pots and pans, some flints, a knife and hatchet, my warmest sleeping bag, a tent, and a few changes of warm and cold weather clothing. I jumped on my mountain bike and rode up into the mountains east of Anchorage. Suddenly I heard a loud crashing sound, and I fell of my bike, holding my ears shut. a second later, I felt a ripple, like a small earth quake running northwest underground. I got up, dusted myself of, and rode harder than I ever had before, trying to outrun the emminent tsunami.
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7 comments:
Good, Matthias. I noticed the first chapter is a bit fast-paced, though, too much so. I think that you should either use this as the prolouge and/or add some more of the protagonist's life. No one will feel sympathy with him for this if they don't know much about him, as despite describing his life you do not describe his feelings very well. Besides that, it is very interesting and has good sentence structure. I will enjoy reading more!
woah matthias! this is GREAT! i would buy this and read it over and over again.
i agree with windstorm tho, a bit fast. but still great job!
Yes, I plan on writing a 1.0 version, bare bones and too fast paced, a 1.5 with edits written in about how it should have certain things added in each spot, 2.0 with this new information, 2.5 re-edited, 3.0 modified, 3.1 made public to my family and the community, 3.5 sent to editors, 4.0 edited, 4.0 sent for publication,
then I can get some money
If this goes all the way.
I don't know, Matthias.
I'm not saying you aren't smart, but very few people at this age publish books.
don't kill his dream windstorm! but i have to admit all the versions will be a little tiring.
BTW, Christopher Paoloni started writing Eragon when he was fourteen. I am only about four months younger than that.
Oh, no, kill his dreams, Howard. You know authors cannot take constructive criticism of any sort. (Sarcasm). Okay, now my comment on the actual story piece: quite frankly, it reminds me of my earlier writings, full of ideas of grandeur that fall short of their mark. Leave this part be, and come back to it in a couple weeks. See how you feel then.
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